


Lullaby

by ZaliaChimera



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Affection, Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Het Relationship, F/M, Family, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Insecurity, Kid Fic, Loving Marriage, Marriage, Married Couple, Parenthood, Universe Alteration, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2604215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaliaChimera/pseuds/ZaliaChimera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon wakes at night and still can't quite believe how his life has turned out. He never thought that he deserved happiness and family. Mild spoilers for Simon’s backstory (S2S18)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lullaby

It was a testament to how exhausted she was, that Janine didn’t even stir when Simon climbed out of bed. It was a little unnerving too. He was used to her being alert and sharp, waking at the slightest noise. But tonight he was able to lean over and kiss her forehead without much more than a mumbled curse before she rolled over and buried herself beneath the covers. That included stealing them from Simon’s side of the bed.

"That’s usually my move, love," Simon said, his voice soft. She didn’t respond.

The crib was at the end of the bed. Neither of them had wanted to leave their girl in another room out of their sight and away from the protection of a well oiled gun and a baseball bat. That was a paranoia that was not going away soon. The crib was nothing fancy, something raided from a branch of Mothercare in town which had been mercifully empty of zoms. The thought of undead mothers to be had woken him up in cold sweats a few times while Janine had been pregnant.

He went to stand over it, peering into the crib with a strange fascination. The little girl, Katie, his daughter, was asleep there, covered with a delicate white wool blanket that Janine had found in the attic, among boxes of things that hadn’t been looked at in years. She’d said that they’d been moved in when she’d been assigned to Abel, everything from her old house dumped upstairs and she’d never really had time to look through them. The apocalypse had put that on hold, she’d said, although Simon didn’t believe that was the whole reason.

The baby, his baby, god he was a father! had just a little fuzz of hair, that fair colour that most babies started with but which would probably turn dark in short order, same as her eyes. Her skin was a dusky brown and she was tiny. Maxine swore blind that she was perfectly healthy, a good weight even before the apocalypse, but to Simon she seemed like a fragile doll. 

He reached out to rest his hand lightly against her head, feeling her soft skin beneath his fingers; a curious touch. He hadn’t managed to convince himself that it was safe to hold her yet, not after that first time in the hospital when Maxine had handed her over while she checked on Jenny. He’d stood there, frozen in place with the baby in his arms, staring at this new innocent creature that he had no right to touch. He had almost been able to hear his nan’s voice, her nasty words boring into him. 

What if he hurt her? What if he squeezed too hard or dropped her or made her cry that air raid siren scream?

What if the rot of his soul somehow infected her, as surely as the Grey had infected other?

He was absolutely not cut out for this in any way.

And there was no way that he would leave, no matter the mad thoughts that came to him sometimes, where he just ran, ran out of the gates and never stopped running.

"Mmm, what are you doing Simon?"

Simon turned, smiling warmly at his wife. The word still gave him a thrill to think. She squinted through the darkness at him, hair tousled around her head. He thought it was adorable. Janine would murder him just for suggesting it.

"Just checking on Katie."

"She’s hardly going to have gone anywhere," Janine replied. 

Simon shrugged and turned back around to look at the tiny girl in her crib. “I know.”

Sometimes he just couldn’t help but wait for this life, this happiness to be snatched away from him.

He heard Janine sigh and a moment later there were arms curling around his waist, pulling him back against her warm body. He turned his head for a quick kiss which turned into a slower, longer one. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. He could feel her breath against his lips.

"Are you alright Simon?"

"Yeah. yeah, I’m fine. I just… can’t believe she’s real. My kid. Our kid. I never thought I’d ever be a dad."

"I never dreamed of being a mother," Janine said, amusement a warm curl in her voice. "It is new territory for both of us."

"I guess." He paused, swallowing thickly. "I’m scared, Jenny." His voice was barely above a whisper.

Janine was silent, but her lips pressed against the back of his neck. He knew that she was listening. 

"What if I hurt her Jenny? What if I’m not a good dad?"

"You will be a good father. I know it," Janine said seriously. "You have time to learn. I have never believed that knowing how to take care of a child is an innate ability. You love her though?"

Simon nodded. “Yeah. I really do.” He wished he didn’t sound so surprised by the idea, but love had never been his strong suit when it came to anything beyond the purely physical. Falling so hard for Janine had been as much a surprise but this was different. Janine didn’t depend on him like Katie did. She wasn’t helpless.

"Then the rest can be learnt," Janine said. She kissed the back of his head. "She’s sleeping Simon, and so should we be. Come back to bed."

"Yeah I- I’ll be there in a minute love."

Janine tilted his head for another kiss and then crawled back into bed. Simon stayed to watch Katie a moment longer. He stroked her cheek and the back of her tiny hand, and wrapped the blanket around her more securely. 

"Night Katie," he said quietly.

Janine pressed up against him as soon as he returned to bed, holding him safely. “Happier?” she asked.

"Yeah," he admitted. He buried himself against her warmth, head tucked against her shoulder. "Night Jenny."

"Good night Si."


End file.
